Finding myself...the pursuit of happiness...has anyone found it yet?

I've been smoking mary jane for two years now and I've realized that eveything that used to bother doesn't anymore but I'm more confused than I should be because I can't unscramble my thoughts. I feel like I'm addicted to the suppression of my emotions, but I also like being outside of my natural mind, jaded. Where is a balance for me? I know smoking is wrong and I try to stop, but effort is pointless because the only other alternative for me is to be a worrier. I can't live like that anymore. I've tried zoloft, exercise, psychologist and other methods of relieving stress or frustration... what now?